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| 08:19pm 02/03/2003 |
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I had so much fun last night. Sarah came over and the three of us hung out. The boys next door were drinking it up, hilarious. I had a few myself and was feeling really good. Met some new people...I have to study, study, but this sounded more fun..."You've lost that loving feeling, oh that loving feeling, you've lost that loving feeling, now it's gone, gone, gone, woah." Yeah Righteous Brothers. I get to go home this weekend, yes! I finally get to give dad his present. Yeah, hyper! |
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| I hate him |
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| 05:36pm 28/02/2003 |
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So much, first he makes me feel like shit, and now he disses what I like. I just want to strangle the bastard. I was slowly letting him back in but right now I just want to cut off his fucking balls and feed them to him. Everyone thinks he's so great, bull shit, how would they feel if he said some of that shit to them. Yeah, tell me how you feel when that happens. When he smacks you so hard he gives you a bruise, yeah don't come crying to me then. I don't want to hear it. So screw him, and everyone else! |
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| hmm..... |
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| 10:26pm 27/02/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated
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*Thinking deeply*, it was the shitiest day of all this week. But the week is almost over so I can't complain. I've been working on a project for my dad. It was his birthday on wednesday and I wanted to do something really special for him. He is a vietnam vet and in his papers he get's from his branch was a little prayer type thing, and I wanted to make it nice for him, and hang it up on the wall next to his Wall picture (vietnam wall). I got a picture of him in his army greens and gwyn helped me clear it up and make it the best it could be. I guess I felt somewhat of a burden because I don't know how to use any of the software on macs. I really wanted this to turn out well, it means more to me, than anyone knows, or could even fathom. I think the print out that Kat help me do looks quite good, and I am hoping once Rohanne mats it for me and I add it with my frame it will look stunning. It just means so much to me, I want dad to like it. I can not explain how much my family means to me. I would do anything for them. They mean more to me than school, jobs, and guys. Guys will break my heart, and they do, more often than I can express, but my family is always there to help me pick up the pieces. They are the ones who stood by me when I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. They were the ones that told me they would stand by me if I decided to quit school, even though they would be disappointed. I guess what I am really getting at is why are guys so god damn important. Yes, I admit I have never had a boyfriend so I may not know what the hell I am talking about. But in my opinion I could never have my life revolve around guys. I know most of you are thinking what the hell do you know. I feel I know a lot of shit, if I can handle life boy-less. Yes, I know I am boy crazy, I wouldn't mind a boyfriend, but for the time being I don't, and I can't change it. I know if I put myself out there and let my objections be known I *might* be able to obtain one. Like my mom says, God has a plan for me, and she prays every day that the perfect guy comes a long to sweep me off my feet. I take these comments to heart, and I believe in them. And I say this to all of you. The perfect guy will come along, but be fucking patient, let things work out on there own. God has a plan for all of us, I know we all have our own beliefs and that's fine, I totally respect that. But that is what I believe. One last thing....You have to learn to love yourself, truly and deeply love yourself, before you can love someone else. |
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| Life |
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| 07:14pm 17/02/2003 |
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mood:  crushed
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It's been a rough day. Of course every monday has it's flaws just because it is the first day of the week. Class was fine, just long - as every class seems to be. Work was endless, four hours. I found out that Morgan's headache was horrible and she was sick to her stomach. I just felt she needed to go to the hospital, so I forced her to go. So we were there for about an hour and a half. I just feel better knowing that she's okay.
I also found out my sister was in a car accident. She's okay, thank God. The girl was in high school and a dumb bitch. Stacy was stopped at the stop sign and the girl was turning but she turned too sharp and smucked her good. The girl had the nerve to ask my sister if she was stopped. Oh did my sister have a fit. And if my nephew would have been in the car I would have killed her myself. My sister said that she would have had to physically beat her ass if Chance was in the car.
I am also still really upset about the comment I was given last week. In no uncertain terms I was refered to as ugly. I have absolutely no self-esteem as it is and then some guy has to say something like that, in front of a boy I like (I think). No one seems to think that he meant it the way I took it, but damn it! It hurt me like Hell. I didn't need that. I was so upset, and still am. I cried, and my family is ready to kick his ass. I need to keep them away from him when they all come up.
Well, that's all folks, no more whining! |
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| Hmm.... |
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| 05:25pm 11/02/2003 |
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One word....tired. That word gets used a lot, and yet people don't do anything about it. I know I have to get up at 6:45 a.m. most mornings, then why do I go to bed way late, knowing I will be tired the next day. Three words...I'm an idiot. A lot has been on my mind lately....no wonder my head hurts so much. I really want to get an apartment. I can't tell you where this came from. All of a sudden last week, I became unbelievably sick of the dorms. I don't know what to do. I've been asking people to get an apartment with me, but no one is biting. I am also afraid to start calling perspective places of residence, I've never done that before, where would I begin? I also don't want to live too far from campus, because I don't have a car, but it will be way more expensive. I also would like to go home over summers, but I don't want to have to move my shit every summer. I don't have a whole lot of shit to fill my apartment with either. Oh damn, I guess I'll figure it out eventually. So I went home this weekend....Saw my family....I love my family. I am going home again this weekend....no particular reason. I just have a ride home so I am taking advantage of it. My best friend is most likely coming home that weekend too, so I'm pretty pumped. So that one word...tired....keeps creeping into my head. I tried to take a nap but everything was too loud. It sucks when you need absolute quiet to sleep. It's not like a want that. I'm a light sleeper, anything wakes me up. It's not my fault. Not much positive today....I'm supposed to go work on some stuff with Gwynn in the Labs but I am too tired, and it's too cold to walk over there, so I will most likely stay here and veg. I don't have much homework, so for once I get to relax a bit. That doesn't happen very often. Well...that's all for now. |
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| Finals |
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| 05:56pm 15/12/2002 |
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mood:  content music: Christmas shoes - New Song
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Are they done yet? I am so sick of quiet hours; I'm sorry, I'm not a quiet person. I am not used to having the CA's down my throat all the time, in my other dorms the CA's didn't give a rats ass so it's hard to get used to. Forgive me for my voice carries, it's a curse I was born with.
I am very excited that I get to leave this hellious place of complete silence, and spend a couple hours seeing a play - The Christmas Shoes. I just love the song, and the book, i can't wait to see the movie, and I am psyched to see the play.
I was very impressed by my Packers today, Ahman is so hot. And no Kit I have absolutley no negative comments for mr. favre. He was unstoppable today, something i haven't seen in a long time.
I have my psyc exam tomorrow morning at 8; I am going to be so tired tomorrow. I would love to come back and take a nap, but I have an extra credit project that I should work on. I don't feel like I will do very well on the psyc exam, I studied all day, but I don't feel very confident.
I have a total of 10 hours of work this week, so I will be able to get out and smell the fresh air. I just can't wait until Thursday at 6:00, when my parents will be picking me up. I hope this week flies! Good Luck on Finals!! |
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| 06:09pm 24/11/2002 |
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I am so FUCKIN' sick of people, I am FUCKIN' sick of Brett Favre! I am so FUCKIN' sick of school, and of this FUCKIN' place. People annoy the shit out of me. I just want to be left alone. I never have "me" time anymore. I need to get the fuck out of here. I can't stay here for three more days. My sanity is on the fucking line. But no one cares. No one wonders why I am in bad moods all the time. When I do want to talk, no one is there to listen. I just want to fucking cry, but then I'm called a baby. So I fucking suck it up as usual, I put on my fake smile, that everyone thinks is sincere, but guess what, majority of the time it's not. What brings on all this rage? You may think it is simple, and unimportant, or "just some guys killing eachother over a ball" but damn it!, I like the FUCKING sport, so get the fuck off it. I just wish farve would get his head out of his ass. He gets paid millions of dollars to play like shit. That money would be better spent finding the cure for cancer, or AIDS. Tonight it was like he wanted to lose the fucking game. So now we may lose the chance to get home field advantage for the playoffs, and we could have sinched the NFC championships again this weekend, but no, Favre is an ass. Why does everyone think he is such a god. He's no fucking good. I hate that SOB, I've always hated him. I do give praise when it is due, but he hasn't been working for it at all. And you all think who gives a shit, and why the hell are you putting this in your journal, well, because there's no one else to just vent at, so I just type it out, and swallow the rest of my anger, because no one wants to hear it. |
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| 10:16pm 08/11/2002 |
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Help!
What to do, what to do. You know, life gets put into major perspective. I am having trouble deciding if I want to stay at point, and poor kit has to be in the hospital having surgery. I am so glad that she is okay. She scared us all.
I bought my first present for christmas today. I bought the Chicken soup for the Sisters soul. I hope my sister likes it.
I am so tired, it is the story of my life. I will go to be, watching Center stage, and knowing that I have to work 6 hours tomorrow, plastering on a fake smiling face for all the parents and their children. some for parents weekend and others for preview day. Grrr.... I wish my parents were coming up, but I have to work so there's no point.
Why can't I say no, whenever anyone asks me to work I say yes. I can't help it. I hate being mean and say no. Oh, whatever I need the money.
I'm out.
Meg |
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| Warning! Feeling Sorry for Myself, Read at your own risk |
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| 11:10pm 28/10/2002 |
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mood:  distressed
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Well, I don't know what to say. Usually I am in a great mood, hell tonight I was freaken bouncing off the walls. But then like an idiot I watch a romantic type movie and that's when it all goes down hill.
I really miss my Nephew. When I first learned that my sister was pregnant I was not happy about it. I was going to be lowered even more on her list of important people(yes I know I am being selfish). But after Chance was born, the first time I held him, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was head over heals. I still am. It's been three weeks since I have seen him and I don't know how I will get through the next four days without seeing him. But on a brighter note Chance will be coming to pick me up. Of course my brother and sister are coming along. I can't wait!
A friend of the family is getting married this weekend. That is why I am going home. The wedding should be fun. Thanks to leeny I am going to look smashing in my sundress and her sheer white top. I am going to get so trashed, I can't wait. I guess I mostly hate the idea that I am going alone. My goal when I came to school this year was to find a date for the wedding, well I didn't do a very good job. I usually don't mind being single. But lately it's starting to get to me. I don't know. I am a hopeless romantic, who wants the perfect guy. But they don't exist. Not my perfect man.
Well, enough feeling sorry for my self. |
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| Stupid people, who start stupid fires |
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| 12:39am 20/10/2002 |
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mood: irate
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Very pissed off. Unhappy, on the border of hysterical. What pleasure to people get by ruining other peoples hard work, not to mention putting other peoples lives in danger. I may be a little melodramatic, but you know what I don't give a flying fuck. We were just allowed to put up our posters, then some jack ass needs to get their jollies by putting the bulletin board on fire. This has been the worst week in a long time. I wasn't feeling well in the begining of the week. On Tuesday I get a call that a close friend of mine was in a bicycle accident and she was in ICU. I didn't find out that she was okay until Saturday. Then some son of a bitch had to go and start fires, not only in our dorm, but three others as well. How can someone be so cruel. Ass whole! |
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| 08:08pm 08/10/2002 |
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mood:  blah music: Reverse Osmosis - Good Souls
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I sit here listening to Reverse Osmosis and have no idea how to put my feelings/ideas into words. I write in a journal but it is different because all of my friends will read this and realize that I am a psycho that can not harness her emotions. Well, good luck to all of you after reading on. I am in a tired and frustrated mood, so no fun and outgoing happiness coming from this journal. I hope I don't scare people off with this. I just took a twenty minute nap, now my eyes are dry(sleeping in contacts-a big no/no. My mind is very fuzzy and I can barely remember the aweful sex talk we had in Healthy American today. I guess for me Sex should be something you keep to yourself and cherish (when it's with someone you love). My thoughts are so jumbled right now. I have been having major mood swings lately. I started school here with a lot of apprehension. I was supposed to be rooming with a girl from home but she transfered to MATC for a new major, and a boy. Boys, they suck. I feel that her transfering was for the best, if I hadn't been sent here on my own I wouldn't have met any of you and have the awesome roomate that I do. We may bitch but it is merely out of fun, and I feel like I've known her more than the past few weeks that I have. "You say, I only hear what I want to" Hip Hop tonight, something new that I have never tried, I started DDR last night, and I am hooked. I would do it for hours instead of study if I could. In fact I did that today. Thanx to Anna I have to go out and buy a sony playstation for only one game (wink, wink) Of course it's good for you. It gives you rythm that I lack. Okay, I hope you can decifer all the random thoughts that I have out here. |
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fly_larva's journal
